wowie. firstly, a big big apology to not sticking to my schedule. i am on a two-week break from school which was much needed because school was … hectic in all aspects: friends, homework, grades, feelings. gah! i’m just a confused puddle right now, but at the same time i can’t wait to go back to school?? like i said … confused.
buuuuuut that’s boring!! i decided to end my hiatus by announcing that today i turned the ripe, old age of 16.
leading up to my birthday, i had a bit of an existential crisis. i finish high school in a year and i still haven’t really figured out what i want to do and i haven’t experienced the cliché experiences that you’re supposed to have as a teenager. i felt my time ticking and really did not want to look back on my time as a teenager thinking that i could have done more.
then the clock ticked over to 2018. i made a post a while back about how happy i’m feeling that i have made new friends and that life is going pretty swell. well, that feeling of elation continues. and with this feeling i’ve come to realise that my experience so far as a teenager has been quite awesome.
so there were the tumultuous episodes with my family that are sure to continue into the future and i’ve been questioning so many things on my road to independence and self-discovery that have put me in a deep pit of anxiety, sadness and frustration.
however, these past three months have made a huge impact on my life and i am forever grateful that i was able to experience it.
a week ago, my friends surprised me at school for my birthday with presents and food and we sat around in the courtyard joking around and i looked around and realised that i was incredibly lucky to have finally met such caring, amazing people.
throughout the constant buzz of life, i never really comprehended how much these people mean to me. and even though they don’t read this, i want to let them know how much i looooooove them!! i can’t tell what the future will be like for us, but right now, it’s pretty amazing having them around.
this period has also been marked as a time of soul-searching and really understanding who i am. frankly, i still haven’t figured it out and i am sure it will take me some more time. but to the person who forced me to go on this journey, thank you. the person (though you will never know who it is) doesn’t know how much they have impacted me. to them, i am a friend of a friend. to me, they are a possibility that i never considered. and though there are many obstacles in my path, they still have made school a place of excitement and fun. i hope that the year sees us becoming not just acquaintances, but friends!
the irony is that for the roller-coaster ride that was these three months, my birthday was spent watching Netflix, sleeping and eating. then i blasted music and danced around my room, reflecting on my experience so far. as the day began coming to a close, my family surprised me with blackberry cheesecake, a big bag of chips and a card (with an added bonus of some money, cha-ching!)
so today i begin the journey of sixteen. and though i know this journey will be difficult and painful, i hope that at the end i find happiness and love and laughter.